Hey folks. This is Dan. I’ve been blogging here a couple of times a week recently, but I realized that you may not know when it’s me posting and when it’s Beth. I have also come to the conclusion that certain posts, such as the relationship I recently ended with chicken nuggets and my conquest of the chocolate chip pancakes, might look slightly different if you thought Beth was posting them instead of me. So from now on, I’ll be sure to announce myself straight away so that you can put my posts into the proper context. Anyway, on to the story.
It began, as so many things do, when my cheapness radar was triggered. I was picking up a few things at King Sooper’s, and I happened to walk past the poultry section of the store. Suddenly, my Spidey sense started tingling, alerting me to a deal somewhere in the vicinity. I glanced to my left, then to my right, and then I saw it – a sign advertising chicken leg quarters for 79 cents a pound. Since whole chickens usually go for 98 cents a pound and chicken thighs and drumsticks for even more, this seemed like a steal. I quickly snapped up a package and brought it home with me.
The trouble began when I had to figure out how to cook them. I opened the package and discovered that a “leg quarter” did not end at the thigh, but appeared to include part of the chicken rib cage. In addition, I was concerned that cooking the thigh and drumstick together would take significantly longer than cooking them separately. This meant that I had to make two cuts into each leg quarter to prepare it to cook – one to separate the thigh from the rib cage and one to separate the thigh from the drumstick.
Now I consider myself a pretty decent cook, and I’ve carved a few chickens in my day. However, when I set to work on the chicken, I quickly learned that I am not cut out to be a butcher. (Get it? “Cut out”? Because butchers cut things? I should really do stand-up.) I knew that in order to separate the three pieces, I would need to find the joints. With a cooked chicken, I have no problem doing this. A raw chicken, however, turned out to be a much different story. I spent several minutes poking and prodding the chicken and randomly sawing at it with my knife in the general vicinity of the thigh joint. Finally, I succeeded in sawing off the end of the thighbone and – I thought – separating the leg from the ribcage.
Unfortunately, I then encountered the chicken skin. Cutting the chicken skin was like cutting through a rubber band – I couldn’t make any headway unless I put tension on the skin, and when I did that, I succeeded mostly in pulling the skin right off the thigh. As I struggled to cut through the skin, I said a few choice words to the chicken. Meanwhile, the drumstick was still securely attached to the thigh, and the other two chicken legs sat off to the side, mocking me.
Serves you right for eating us. Maybe you should be a vegetarian.
After several minutes of wrestling with the skin, I finally managed to separate it. Unfortunately, I then had to repeat the process with the drumstick, where the joint was even harder to find, and then again with two more chicken legs. The whole process probably took me half an hour. At long last, though, I finally declared victory.
Haha chicken thighs! You’re about to be eaten!
Still, I think from now on I’ll leave cutting up raw meat to the trained professionals at the grocery store.